I will not look at my facebook…

I will not look at my facebook, that Butterball bastard has tagged a photo of me eating an icecream and I look terrible. Where are my tablets? Tablets, goblets, goblins gobbling my niblets, I DO NOT want any sweetcorn on my baked potato Johnson, give it to the goblin hobbling along the cobbling, old king cobbler  he was a merry old soul, a very cold troll was he, he called for his soup, and he called for his soup and he CALLED FOR HIS SOUP AND HE CALLED FOR HIS SOUP AND HE CALLED FORTH HIS SWOOP, swooping fear, down from the starry gulfs where dwelleth that which shall remain nameless. And which is even now crawling up the leg of your ill fitting clown suit Yolanda. Why are you always wearing that old thing anyway? It has seen better days, in fact it is a disgrace, covered in old beans and gobbets of potato. Who do you think is going find that attractive? Except of course sex mad food fetish Johnson that is, and here he comes now etc etc….

It is about this time of the morning I like to settle down in my tower for a spot of baking, no not a potato Johnson, get you flippery mits out of the flour or you will ruin everything. Where is my pinny? Where is my penny? My lucky penny has gone? Johnson did you take it? I must remain calm or the mornings experience will lie in tatters, no not ‘tatoes Johnson please remove your avian apendages from the mixing bowl Iwill not tell you again. Now then where was I? me and my lucky pinny were about to go bowling. That cannot be correct as I am not in the bowling hall, rolling stall, foaling call, who let that thing in here?  (Neighhhh!!) Quick Johnson, stamp on it before the carpet burns? I remembere I was about to make some of my favourite puds! MWAAAERK! Oh my lord Johnson, for fucks sake, I said puds, will you remove your tentacular goose limbs from the ingredients cupboard. I have had enough of this, there is only one thing I am cooking now. Yolanda, pass me an orange!

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Published in: on September 11, 2010 at 9:52 am  Leave a Comment  

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