Stage fright

Buckle: Ho’ I think it’s cute can’t we keep it?

Bikle: Dat’s by tool you got dere, get off it!

Buckle: Boh! H’sorry Bikle! Dow Dow don’t be such a bisery. Maybe a dice tune on by trombone would cheer you up!

Bikle: Dot likely! I don’t deed by tool getting bixed up with a horse, bother dan in proportions dat is o o o.

and get these two off be! (Pete and Paul tug at his cloak)

P & P: Uhuhuhuh we’ll help you with your tool, with our tools, uhuhuhuhuh it’s the repetition that makes it so funny, with our tools with our tools.

Simon: Ho yes highly amusing, h’you tow should be on the stage! H’with your tools! H’eh boys?

P&P: Uhuhuhuh alllow us to be on stage with our tools!

Bikle: Ho fuck! Who dragged this rubbish up, it’s been years you barstards! This bakes even less sense than ever, for fucks sake, leave be to die in peace!

Buckle: Ho, I thought you’d be pleased…

Morris: Not so much pleased as squeezed, pressed in the mangle of some ungodly giant from aeons past. A titan of the darkest abyss filled with but one ancient desire: to extract the essence from all beings by the art of applying an terrible unimaginable pressure to bear upon them, hence his gigantic mangle. What’s that Yolanda? No I do not believe the mangle is detracting from the gravitas of the image I am trying to portray, rather by a quasi comedic subversion in only amplifies the terror. Now where was I? I do not like squash or pumpkins even if pumpkins are squash, I do not mind orange squash THOUGH THAT IS HARDLY THE POINT. Anyway my fondness for sickly fruit based refreshments and hostility  towards domesticated esculent members of the gourd family notwithstanding, where was I? (Mwaaerk?) Oh yes, Thank you Johnson, the mangle of Koth Hotep..

Bikle: Borris! Borris! By cloak is caught in your blasted bangle!

P&P: Allow us to free you from with…

Bikle: Ho god dow those two have got dere tools trapped in de bangle!

Pete and his peppers: Nevair fear m’sieur! Ah Pete with free you from zis awful device…wiz… ze peppairs! (splat squelch))

Buckle: Ho! Don’t worry Bikle,  bI’ll soon have you freed id  a trice!

(Produces trombone and blows hideous parping discords. Sounds of galloping hooves, frenzied neighing and squirting offstage.)

Bikle: Ho God! Dot likely! (gives tremendous heave, cloak tears throwing him off balance, staggering he slips on discarded pepper and careens across the floor, arms flailing into the sticky equine embrace of you know what.)

Morris: Oh dear, you have ruined the mangle of Koth Hotep titan of the deep. For ten zillion aeons he has processed an endless procession of beings into a flattened essence and now his prize mangle is ruined. What is more is only agreed to lend me the mangle until next thursday on account of some particularly wet washing; how do you suppose I am to explain to such a being the fate of his beloved mangle. Yolanda,  I knew you shouldn’t have used a tray; had you simply carried the bowls carefully by hand there would have been no such spillage and hence no such extra washing. Fetch me disguised as a mangle of great potency Johnson, maybe he can help out.

Johnson: Mwaaerk!

Morris: Oh dear, i am not sure that will do the trick, though I am quite impressed by the way he has learned to squeeze bananas in such a manner that they fly out of one end of their skins. Do it again Johnson! Yolanda, come and watch this, it’s marvellous…

Yolanda: Morris! That’s just a waste!

Morris: Do not worry Yolanda, Johnson will enjoy them for his brunch. An what goes with bananas? Custard! That’s what. Perhaps you would like to join Johnson in a bowl of bananas and custard Bikle?

Bikle: Dot bloody likely! I’m goig whilst I still have by digdity. (Huffily wraps cloak around him and starts to stalk away angrily. Unfortunately one scuffed pixie boot comes down heavily on a discarded banana peel causing him to skate helplessly across the floor, arms windmilling furiously once more before cannoning into Johnson and landing the pair of them in the custard pit). Boooooooohhhhh!

Johnson: Mwaaaaaaerrrk!

Clancy B Turkey: Blblblblblblblp! Really Bikle, custard wrestling with Johnson? With no trousers, really….(whsssk!)

Bikle: By Trousers!

Simon: H’o h’what h’trousers h’sir? H’I don’t see h’any trousers…

Duke of Croy: Eh zat was un bonne idee eh Alfonso, dressing Chonsoix up in that  Johnson costume? Look at ‘im splashing around wiz Bikle in ‘aving ze time of zair lives.

Chonsoix: Mwwuuurgh!!

Bikle: Ho God, wake up I bust be dreabig etc etc…

Published in: on July 26, 2012 at 1:30 pm  Leave a Comment