Classic Canaries 2: Trying to talk to Buckle.

He treads across the floor to a corner of the squalid room which does indeed contain a cage of fine contented chirping birds before cheerfully scattering a handful of seed for them.

Bikle:                “By pride ad joy!” he almost simpers over them

Buckle:             “Yes dey are pretty Bikle, dough I ofted think subthig is bissing about dem.” Buckle looks ponderously on

Bikle:                 “Dot likely Buckle, dese little critters are aboud perfect, and dey certaidly don’t deed your frasistance!” Though before Bikle has even finished, Buckle has lost interest and is back to the fridge ‘Vwukk Barvellous!’ and on it goes.

Bikle pulls on a fresh cloak and continues to speak

Bikle:               “Dow listed hear Buckle, dever bind about dat cheese fridge busidess, dis is important.”

Buckle:              “Ho what’s dat Bikle? Is it about cheese, because let be tell you!”

Bikle:                “Do do Buckle, forget de fuckig cheese! Dis afterdood is the bird show at de village fete and I’b reidig champion. However I do have to go oud for a bit dis borning so I’b tellig you dow, whilst I’b out, whatever you do leave by prize cadaries alode!”

Buckle:             “What’s dat Bikle?”

Bikle:                “By cadaries!”

Buckle:              “What about dem Bikle?”

Bikle:                 “Leave dem alode dats what!”

Buckle:              “Ho what do you bean?”

Bikle:                 “Just don’t touch bore even look at de cadaries whilst I’b out!”

Buckle:               “Why would I touch dem Bikle dere your prize cadaries, in fact listen, What cadaries? I don’t see ady cadaries? Maybe you bean de alleged cadaries eh Bikle?”

Now Bikle is vaguely taken aback, as knowing his brothers stupidity he becomes unsure as to whether Buckle has genuinely forgotten about the existence of the birds, or whether he is actually making some kind of humorous pretence that signifies his compliant understanding. “

Bikle:                 “Umm Listed Buckle, if you see adythig dat looks like cadary whilst I’b out, leave it alode! Is dat clear?”

Buckle:              “Yes Bikle, but just so were clear, what does a cadary look like?”

Bikle:                 “For fucks sake you dibwit, by prize cadaries, de birds in de cage over dere, leave dem alone whilst I’b out!”

Buckle:                “Ho birds id a cage, dey do look pretty! Do wonder you like dem so buch, by I bet you could wid a prize wid cadaries like dat!”

Bikle:                    “Give be stregth! I’b goig out, if anything happeds to dose birds I’ll burder you!”

Buckle:               “Yes Bikle, defidetly, cad I go back to de fridge dow!”

Nearly sobbing, Bikle acquieces, puts on a fresh cloak and leaves the flat to the partially reassuring sound of ‘vwukk ‘Barvellous!’ Vwukk ‘Barvellous!’

Published in: on September 21, 2015 at 11:35 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Barvellous! Is it me or is there something Schrodinger’s cat-esque about Buckle and the cheese in the fridge?

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