Classic Canaries 12: Alfonso’s Entry and a Celebrity Appears!

At this moment who should come into the tent but another Bikle like character, but wait on a minute, this one is different. Sure enough there is the long black hair and glasses but the cloak seems to be an old curtain in dark grey and beige, the shirt a kind of yellow smock and the trousers a vicious purple velvet. In his hand he clutches a cage, inside which something scurries around at the bottom

Alfonso: “Ah Leonard! There you are, look mon amis, ah can join you in your plan!”

Leonard looks with derision at the figure, then starts to laugh

Leonard: “Why you fuckair Alphonso, it’s you, why you look like, you look like… the very Comte de Bersierneaux himself!” (for those who do not know this level of the joke, Alfonso is the Comte de Bersierneaux whilst owing all his ancestors being a right bunch of idiots, to say ‘did you see so and so, he looked like the very ‘Comte de Bersierneaux himself” is to say he looked a proper Charlie)

Alfonso:  “Do you lak eet! Mr Cutlair said ‘e as sold out of ze sheet Beekle outfits but ‘e made this one just for me and said it was a sheet Buckle outfit, and zat zat was bettair as ‘e’s the smaat one of ze two enyway.”

Leonard: “Ah don’t know about zat, Alfonso, you look a proper cunt anyway, and what is zat in your cag?”

Alfonso: “Eh? Oh zis is ma canary, princess mouse! Mr Cutlair sold it to me aussi!”

Leonard: “Fuckeeng  ‘ell Alfonso! Ah can’t believe you sometams, zat is a mouse you fuckair! Look at eet! Actually no time for zat, quickly wa’ll is attention is distracted, let’s ‘ide these bodies while zere out cold! ‘Ere elp me with zese rugs, and bring zat tape over ‘ere!”

Leonard then rummages in the different bird cages until he finds Melanie, takes her out and shoves her in Bikles mouth, after which he uses some tape from Hornby’s desk to tape up Clancy’s beak, then using two helpfully placed rugs, the Frenchmen roll up the unconscious contestants. The rolled up rugs are then placed to one side of the room with a handy throw chucked over them so they look very much like a makeshift seat. Leonard then takes Alfonso’s cage, grabs the mouse out of it, shoves it in Melanie’s empty cage, hits Alfonso over the head with his cage and insists that he leave the tent in strong language.

Over at the show entrance there is some excitement. The mawkish Mr Havestock has arrived and is excited to tell various organisers of something particularly amazing he has arranged for the day. The string of onions around his neck tells the others something of what it is likely to be about for they are well aware of his obscure fandom.

Haverstock: “Listen up! Listen up! This is the best thing! Where is Hornby? Oh hello my dear at least you can hear of it? Where are the Richards, oh over there, come hither come hither!” Various village bigwigs and committee members gather round “You’ll dever, I mean never guess what I have arranged today, as a special Judge and figurehead for the birdshow?!” They look on expectantly. “I have arranged for a small passport fee, for non-other than Euro-Bikle himself to come to our little show today, isn’t that just the best!?”

There are some polite eyebrows and smiles and some enthusiasm, possibly less though than he hoped for

Richards: “Err that’s brilliant Mr Haverstock, what time will he arriving? The show is in full swing already and the show itself is scheduled for 2 o clock.”

Haverstock: “I believe Richards, that he’ll be along any moment, in fact what’s that I can here now?”

Sure enough from the car park area can be heard a gaudy car horn version of La Marseillaise followed by the sound of car door slamming and a loud

Euro-Bikle: “Frole! Bind ze paintwork froo fricha!”

Haverstock: “We’d better go and greet him!”

The others not wishing to miss out on this minor celebrity visitation make their way over to the entrance. Hornby of course, who is still on monster, napoleon, ghost check on the far side of the show, knows nothing of this yet…

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Published in: on March 21, 2016 at 12:12 pm  Leave a Comment  

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