Afternoon Tea (pt4)


“Blblblbp Orchid you say? Some interest, cousin Lawrence used to grow orchids, before, before…” and Clancy sniffs in an affected way, Yolanda rushes over with a hanky “there there Clancy don’t upset yourself with that story.” “Blblblp most kind” he says dabbing his beak with the hanky “orchids always make me think of him.” The Furnissons look confused so Yolanda goes over to them and says as quietly as she can “he’s very sensitive, his cousin was eaten by a large omnivore, it’s a sad tale.” The Furnissons look more intrigued than sympathetic “eaten you say, meow meow, hmm well that’s a thing isn’t it, a giant Turkey all eaten up, bones licked clean I imagine.” Suddenly Dr Furnisson whirls round to Clancy “Mr Butterball, it would be my honour to even give you this orchid in memory of dear cousin Lawrence, god rest his soul!” At this rather gusto filled gesture Clancy is quite overcome “Blblblbp, most kind, can hardly refuse, must pop home first then will come straight over, shall we say around blblblblbp 7 o clock?” “Why Mr Butterball, you’ve read my mind, you’ll be our guest for dinner of course?” “Blbllp, gracious acceptance, will bring own gift, most agreeable, blblblblp” and with that the Turkey ups and bustles off. “Blblbp see you all later!” he calls as he politely shuts the door on his way out.” “Tender fellow you say?” says Mr Furnisson to Yolanda “Oh yes, he’s very sweet.” “Sweet yes,” says Mrs Furnisson with a somewhat faraway look in her eye. Suddenly Morris interjects “That butterball bastard, I hate  him, I would have him incinerated, lord knows I’ve tried, but he’s a tricky so and so, Johnson here used to work for him, didn’t you Johnson.” Johnson mwaaerks to the verity of the claim and slightly recalls that this previous employment, whilst also strange and unpleasant was not quite so fraught with fire based incidents. “The things Johnson used to get up to let me tell you, mind you, I’ve known a few rum fellows in my time, Geoff Baxter Ashtray, whatever happened to him eh, burned to death in some hideous aeroplane accident I shouldn’t wonder. Anyway hadn’t you lot better be off, I have a dozen campanologists in the shed waiting for the off. Eh Johnson?!” he intones cheerfully, “Mwaaerk!” Johnson agrees. The Furnissons look a bit non-plussed. “Ho ho and that reminds me how all  this business started, ‘Landa  says to me the Furnissons have gone out, and I said that would be an inconvenience given said bell ringers waiting for their fiery doom in the shed, and she said, no no Morris you old card, not furnaces, Furnissons, and I said…” Yolanda interjects “Anyway Morris, I’m sure the Furnissons don’t want to hear a repetition of the morning’s conversation, and have better things to do.” “Or butter things to do!” quips Dr Furnisson in reference to their dinner guest, Morris doesn’t get it “Butter things to do? Do you mean things to do with butter? I have a book about that, OSM Johnson lent it to me, though I haven’t looked through it yet, indeed I was only going to burn it, you can borrow it if you like, well you have borrowed it haven’t you and you had better look after it or Johnson will be round, well in fact Johnson  is round, rotund Johnson rolling down the hills on a fine sunny day, bouncing off the boulders, crushing lambs and sheep alike so that ravens may have their fill, and hark is that Northumbrian pipe music I can hear colouring this curious scene with its authentic sound.” The Furnissons and other guests are by now making their way carefully out of the house whilst Morris’ monologue continues. “Hark the call of the peregrine, the hoary stones, the unwitting pigeon, Johnson!” And peregrine Johnson and unwitting pigeon Johnson play out the raptor-prey scene by one Johnson jumping off the armchair onto the other apparently unaware one. Yolanda looks on in dismay and leaves the room whilst LD Johnson looks on fascinated.

Later on the doorbell rings at the Furnissons house. Mrs Furnisson answers to an impeccably turned out Clancy. “Bllblblblblp, round for dinner, always prompt, tardiness impolite, in I come.” And in he duly bustles. “Blbllblblp, small children, most endearing, brought wooden spinning top for you, made it myself blblblblbp!” and he produces and beautiful hand-made spinning top which he proceeds to demonstrate to the children with expertise. They watch on and pounce after it delightedly as it spins around the room. “Ah Mr Butterball, glad you could make it!” says Dr Furnisson “Yes, lovely of you to come.” Agrees his wife. “Blblblblbp nice to be here, pleasant evening, tawney port, smoked trout pate, maybe cards later? Blblp?” and he produces the items from a bag he’s been carrying. “Why that’s most kind of you Mr Butterball.” She replies “Blblblbp call me Clancy, all friends here blblbp!”

So they chat and have a drink and after a while Mr Furnisson suggests he might as well show Clancy the azaleas whilst he’s here and, then they can see the orchid “Bblblbp, very well, didn’t mean to be rude, azaleas common but pretty, mother always likes a bunch blblblblbp!” “Err yes, if you’ll just come this way.” “Blblbp happy to oblige, here I come!” and he follows Mr Furnisson. They stroll around the various flower beds and chat agreeably, though Dr Furnisson seems increasing distracted by something and occasionally almost frustrated by Clancy’s enthusiastic babble.  “Let’s go and see that orchid now shall we Clance?” “Blblblp no hurry, bed of primroses to inspect, evening air, most pleasing” At length, Mrs Furnisson pops her head out and sheepishly says “How are you boys doing?” and pointedly at her husband “Are you nearly ready for dinner?” To which Clancy answers enthusiastically “BLblblblbp, quite starving, twilight air, engaging chat, nearly ready?” he peers over his pince-nez. “Let’s go and see the orchid first shall we then I’m sure you’ll be served I mean I’ll serve you up, that is I’ll serve you up a dinner meow meow” and she disappears inside “Blblblp, cousin Lawrence memorial orchid, looking forward to it, emotional moment.” “Come this way then Clancy, the orchid’s in this greenhouse here.” “Blblblbp delighted to see it, blblblp, lead on Dr Furnisson.” And so Clancy and Dr Furnisson enter the steamy greenery obscured structure. Remaining as outsiders, all is calm for a moment or two before there is an alarmed “Blblblblblp!” followed by a sharp “Mreeowwl!” The next thing we observe is Dr Furnisson dragging Clancy out of the greenhouse as his wife (who has emerged from the kitchen now) watches on with glee. “Meow help with this dear meow meow!” says the Dr as dragging the hefty bird across the lawn in clearly tough work. So the husband and wife team work together to get him into the kitchen. Our next scene is the Furnisson family sat round a large dinner table. Hungry small Furnissons tuck into a hearty plate of meat and very little else. Mr Furnisson seems very keen on the smoked trout pate and tawney port as well as indulging a healthy portion of the meat. “Meow meow, compliments to the chef.” proclaims the doctor. “Why thank-you Dr Furnisson” she giggles playfully “Now if you little ones have finished, go clean your paws and into bed!” “Do you meow meow think Dr that there might be any treatment tonight?” she looks winking across at him. Dr Furnisson looked curiously but happily across at her and pronounced with some glee “Meow meow, treatment you say? Really!”

Published in: on February 22, 2017 at 2:24 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Clancy cooked, surely not?!? Please don’t leave us in suspense!

    • The clue is in the last word…

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