Bodopoly pt 2

 

Bickle glares at him resentfully. “Dod’t you fuckig start “Sibod”, I’b fed up of beed lubbered wid de god h’awful frexistedse dat you so deatly  frescaped! Dis bad is ad idiot!” Simon smiles serenely. “Ho, h’I dod’t dow h’what h’you’re h’talkig h’about h’Bickle. Dod’t be a h’grump, h’I brought sobe out of date cord sdacks for de boys, ad a big bag of dis h’extra sticky h’toffee for your broder Buckle!” His smile widens as he puts a noticeable emphasis on the “your” of “your broder”. Bickle looks round and Buckle is already chewing away, “Egstra stiggy! By fabouride!” He turns back and glowers at Simon. “You sbug cudt, I’ll cripple you for dis, you see if I dod’t!” Before Simon can respond, Pete and Paul interrupt. “Uh huh huh, we’ve set up the monopoly board, uh huh huh. With our tools.” “Cad I be ge gog bleeg Biggle?” Enquires Buckle eagerly. “How bady bloody tibes! Do, do do do do do do do! Do you bay dot be de dog! You can be de soddig irod. I’b havig de top hat because it’s by gabe, dow who is goig to be de boot?” “Blplplp Blplplp! Certainly not! I’ll be the yacht!” *Whisk*. “Undt I vill be ze automobile zat goes ze grosser schnell.” Bickle surveys the box, although there are a number of players still sitting expectantly awaiting to be assigned a counter, there are none left in the box. Bickle rummages about in the pile of belongings which he had retrieved from the bin. “Dow let’s see, what have we got here den? Ah dis will do for you Toady, it’s ad ebpty bidiature bottle of ouzo dat I found I’d de bus stop. Pete, you cad be dis clothes peg, Paul, dis bagic tree is you, hbbb, dere does’dt seen to be adythig else dere, let be have a rubbage I’d by pockets, ho, dis’ll do dicely for you Johdsod, a dudgeods ad dragods figuride of a bodster wid de tedtacles, dere I thigk dat’s everybody, we cad get od widde gabe.” Simon raises his hand, “Ho h’excuse be h’sir, hi thigk dat you have forgotten be!” “Ho chadce’d be a fide thig!” He scrats about in his pockets some more, finally drawing out a crumpled piece of card. A cruel smile spreads across his face, “Ho barvellous! This is a piece of jolly good luck, dis will be de perfect coudter for you Sibod! Here you go, h’adythig for a chub hey?” So saying he hands over the scrap of card to the lanky newsagent. “Ho, h’whats dis? Ho. Ho dearie be.” “Dat’s right! A dice coupod for a free wax polish at de Tesco car wash. A very dice coupod, a little bit tattered adbittedly…” he leers at Simon, “A bit grubby perhaps, a bit of de sball side I gradt you, ode bight albost say dat it was a dirty little coupod…” A number of emotions struggle for mastery on Simon’s face, anger, shame and lust foremost amongst them. Bickle sniggers as he watches the other try and controlhimself. “A… dirty… little… ho god.” His willpower is clearly no match for his unclean cravings, as he jumps to his feet. “Ho, frexcuse be a bobedt, hi deed to… berr, just powder by dose for a bidute…” So saying, he bolts into the bathroom and slams the door. Bickle looks round the room smugly. “Uh huh huh, but that means the boot is still left, uh huh huh, with it’s tool.” “Ho, I thought dat de cat bad was de boot.” “De cad bag Biggle? Whad cad bag?” Bickle looks confused. “Why, de cat bad. I bead, I’b sure dat he was dere a bobedt ago. How stradge.” Clancy looks disturbed. “Blbplplblp! What’s this nonsense? What cat man?” “Dis is bost udusal, I could have sword dat dere was a cat man type cobidatiod here just dow.” “Blplplp! No such thing! Imagining things! Hurry up! On with game!”

 “ho den where did de cad bad go Biggle?” “Blblblp desist in this no Cat man, talking nonsense “Who’s talgig dodsedse? Baybe de cad bad would lige sobe bilg?” and excitedly he rushes off to the fridge to fetch some. This adventure has a familiar end “Biggle Biggle, cobe ad see! Dere’s jeese id de frijj, I thougd dere be jeese! Do cads lige jeese?” “I dodn’t dow what de fuck your sagig ady bore Buckle, dat toffee has jabbed your bouth up!” and then aside to himself “fractually baybe I should by hib eved bore stickier toffee!” “By said I though dere’d be jeese!” he hollers, brandishing a block of value cheddar with triumphant return. Such a return though has only one possible outcome. Buckle trips badly on the outstretched leg of Sigmund Freud’s living remains and crashes violently into the mix of characters, knocking the newly set up board and all asunder. “Bohhhhhhh!” *crash* goes the general scene. “Buckle! You fridiot! You docked everything over!” “Uhuhuh not to worry, we’ll soon sort this mess out, with our tools!” “Ja wir can all pitch in nichtwar!” And somehow under Ziggy’s and Clancy’s supervisory guidance the board gets put back together and soon they are ready to play. Just before the game can commence the bathroom door unlocks and a slightly sweaty looking Simon emerges. “Ho h’if you just hag od a bidute, H’I’ll joid you!” “Ho, where’s your counter Sibod?” Simon goes bright red “Ho I bust h’ov left it id the h’lavatory. Dever mind h’is there something else I can play with with ehhh?”  But before Bickle can do more Sigmund –who has taken control largely of the situation- pipes up “Ja you can the boot sein, und sit here und behave, no more of zese unclean cravinks!” So Simon perches next to Freud with Toady to his left. “Blblblblblp taking too long, roll for who goes first!” So the characters take turns at rolling and eventually Johnson wins with a double six. Bickle raises his eye at this, but Johnson just acts nonchalantly. “Uhuhuh that means Johnson goes first with his tool!” “Ho why is dad?” “Ribbet?” and another round of infuriating inanities occurs before Bickle can stand it no more “Just get od wid de fuckig gabe will you all! By god! By life! Wake be up I bust be dreabig!” at which Simon pipes up “Ho h’I used to say that! Eh boys!” “Uhuhuh yes it was like a catchphrase uhuhuh with your tool!” “Ho bost abusig boys ehhh!?” “Und vat is zis about abusig boys?” “Ho do, h’dot abusig boys! Abusig boys!” “Blblblblblp distasteful participant, pervert, expel him!” “Ho dow wait od a h’minute, H’I think you’ll find…” but the plaintive cry is not heeded and Bickle brings out a giant broom with which he begins to expertly herd Simon towards the exit “Ho get off be you broob!” he yells, but the mood has turned against him and soon he’s out on the landing where he raps and scratches pitifully at the door. “Blblblp atmosphere much improved, eager to begin, hotel on Mayfair, tea at the Ritz, out of jail free!” “Yes dat’s right puss a saucer of creab for you fri I expect o o o!” “Blblblbp at it again, no cat-person here, all fed to their own family blblblblp! I mean lots of families are fed up, no good game to play, on with the game!” Frall right Cladce I was odly jokig I dodn’t dow what Buckle is frittering od about!” “Ho the cat person again, here kitty kitty!” Shouts Buckle waving the cheese around. “Put dat dowd, dow who’s dext!” Johnson is with Pete and Paul to his right so it is Pete’s turn. Suddenly Ziggy shouts “Mein gott, zere is no banker! Ohne der Banker konnen wir nicht spielen!” “Ho I think we put de ‘banker’ out de door!” quips Bickle” but no one really knows what he means and look at him quizzically “You mean ve should let ze pervert back in to be ze banker!” “Blblblp curious suggestion, might steal the money!” But then Bickle looks at the very small and leaflet like, almost coupon like nature of the monopoly money and thinks this may in fact be a very good idea. “Sibod!” he hollers, racing out the flat and down the stairs, “Sibod you can cobe back!”

 

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Published in: on July 7, 2017 at 3:29 pm  Leave a Comment  

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