Excerpt from Albert Jackson PI

Morris: “Everyone loves a nice trifle, especially the Hobsons from across the road. A curious phrase as I always considered the Hobsons to look as they have been crossed with a toad. Possibly that is why the lawnmower is such an ordeal for them. Tell me munchkin do you consider a toad trifle combination to be a good or bad combination?”

She pauses believing he will just rant on but he appears to want an answer

Yolanda:         “It’s a bad combination Morris, a nasty combination.”

Morris:             “Ah but is it my sweet? Consider the benefits to trifle and toad. The once immobile trifle lacking autopoetic prowess now saddled with amphibian dna can achieve great leaps forward in its destiny. A bit like this”

And with that he leaps with extraordinary athleticism off the sofa on to a strange lily pad like chair that seems to have come from nowhere

Morris:             “I am the lord of all toads, bow before me or I will swallow thee into mine unholy gullet!”

Yolanda:         “STOP IT MORRIS! Can’t you just behave? You’re frightening me!”

Morris:             “I assure you that I am not my dear. I am merely signalling to my batrachian subjects that I am not a man to be trifled with, no pun, needless to say, intended, and I would not harm a hair upon your head for all the wealth of fabled Tartary.”

At this a shot rings out, and an ornamental plate shatters on the wall behind Yolanda.

Morris:             “A standpoint however, which this fellow clearly does not share. I should take evasive measures if I were you my little measuring jug. He appears to be bent on mayhem, presumably infuriated by your treasonous failure to pay homage to his lord and master.”

In the corner squats a large warty green creature struggling to reload a flintlock with his stubby webbed appendages.

Yolanda:         “MORRIS! What the hell is that thing?”

Morris:             “A toad with a rifle!” He chortles, “Do you see what I did there?”

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Published on January 5, 2016 at 9:35 am  Comments Off on Excerpt from Albert Jackson PI  
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